Back in one of my old jobs, working in an open office, I sneezed.
(This story gets more interesting.)
A colleague of mine found that hilarious. “Wow, what a dainty sneeze, William!”
I’m glad they found it amusing. It couldn’t have been have as fun as their reaction.
Before we continue, what can you tell me about this colleague? Are they a man or a woman?
You should be able to answer that with reasonable confidence. Not certainty – especially not in this era of masculine women and feminine men – but you should still be able to guess.
If you thought they were a man because men are thugs and bullies, always looking to tear each other down… haha, somebody’s been watching too many cartoons with unsubtle messages.
Of course this colleague was a woman. When men go after each other, we target things that matter. Teasing my sneezing is exactly the sort of random manure a woman would do.
Anyway, I brushed off this dagger aimed at my heart for three reasons:
One, I can control the volume of my sneezes. I take it this isn’t a thing everyone can do. At the office, my sneezes are restrained. At home, I let them tear.
Two – and I wished I’d learned this earlier – sometimes women have legitimate concerns. But, men, when a woman comes to you with a complaint or criticism that makes you scratch your head, remember it’s probably a test or part of some game. It means she likes you.
Three… it’s a sneeze. This isn’t an episode of Community – I’m sure I can live with this.
Anyway, I’m telling you a story about a time I sneezed because there’s a lesson in this.
When you understand the feminine, then everything becomes easier.
Yeah, obviously it helps you understand women. It teaches you when to listen to them and when to ignore them.
But it’s not just women who are feminine. So much of life is.
Consider a soldier. Brave, strong, heroic, loyal, focused on specific goals, pushing past their limits – a soldier is incredibly masculine.
But war is different. War is chaotic, unpredictable, all-devouring, dark, strangely beautiful and impossible to fully understand.
War is feminine.
Not all femininity is soft and nurturing. It can be hard and destructive too.
I say this because many men yearn for glory. They dream of fighting – usually metaphorically – to save civilisation.
So they look for a fight they can join.
And that’s a masculine virtue. “There’s a problem, now how do I fix it?” could be the motto of men. It’s great, too, because we’ll never save civilisation without winning many battles in her name.
But sometimes you need to step back.
Sometimes, instead of searching for a battle, you need to stare into the face of the war.
Either way, you’ll do better by understanding how the Enemy of Civilisation fights.
And you can do that by reading and applying the lessons here: