I’m flinging a funny little accusation around here – against myself as well as others.
Yes, I’m accusing you of forgetting the obvious – that other folks exist as separate entities with minds of their own. I’m saying you have Failures of Sentience. It’s sounds strange until you know what to look for.
One of my favourite metaphors is around belief. You can say you believe in the train. You can talk for hours about all the logic, evidence and reasoning that confirms the train. Your Twitter account might be nothing but memes talking about how real the train is. You can threaten to cancel anyone who says the train isn’t real. But if you’re laying on the tracks, then you don’t believe in the train. You just think you do.
Likewise, if you say you know that other people have minds of their own
but act like
everyone else
is an NPC is your story,
then you don’t believe it. Not always. You have moments where you get stuck in your own head, unable to see through the eyes of others.
And those moments cost you.
In dating? Failing to see things as others do is deeply unattractive. It shows a lack of maturity. Besides, who wants to date someone who’ll constantly misinterpret their words and actions.
In sales? A classic sales mistake is to use “techniques” that treat people the same, instead of as individuals you have the chance to serve. The other classic is to sell how you like being sold to, rather than how your customers want.
In your career? If you’ve ever worked in an office, you’ve probably encountered the Bad Employee. You know, one who’s lazy and incompetent, who complains the loudest, blames everyone else for their problems, lies on their timesheets, CVs and expense forms, goes to HR to cause an eye-watering stink over perceived insults…Those folks corrode organisations from the inside out fast.
And if you read the 29 symptoms of Failures of Sentience, you’ll recognise a lot of them in the Bad Employee.
And if you recognise these in your boss…?
Wise employers look for mature employees. They can teach you skills easier than they can teach you the right attitude.
And a good start on getting the right attitude is reading, rereading and applying Your Story Isn’t About You – available to everyone on my email list: