People skills are sometimes called soft skills.
As opposed to hard skills like technical proficiencies.
Soft skills are fuzzy, amorphous and… well… soft.
You might think you need to BE soft to use them.
As in, in touch with your emotions, high on empathy, stuff like that.
Sure, that stuff can help. Obviously. As far as strategies go, it’s a winning one.
Or is it…?
See, the problem with warm fuzzies is that they can come and go. Logic is the same across the universe, but your good vibes to your fellow folks can disappear if you’ve eaten too little, eaten too much, gotten stressed, worked too little, been distracted lately, been not distracted enough lately or just from how the way they part their hair reminds you of your ex’s new partner.
Even if you know it’s ridiculous, that might not help you in the moment.
As for empathy?
It’s easy for empaths to lose themselves in other people’s lives and problems.
This gives anyone with a cooler, more stoic disposition an advantage sometimes. Sometimes it’s easier to see someone else’s point of view when you’re indifferent to them. It allows you to be clean and clinical, hearing what they’re saying without dragging your issues into things.
You want the other person to feel a connection with you.
The simplest, most reliable way is to first feel a connection with them.
Or, if you want a connection that stands out – one they remember – then you go for something different.
You talk with them, listen, and then you show you understand them:
“Oh, so it’s like X…?”
People are starved of recognition. Sometimes, something as trivial as “Oh, you garden because you like being outside?” does the trick.
You’ll often need a bigger deductive leap than that, though.
That’s where getting outside your perspective and into theirs is helpful. No warm and fuzzies needed – just paying attention and avoiding Failures of Sentience.
That’s how Your Story Isn’t About You can open up new strategies for you. If it involves people, it can help, so read, reread and apply it.