Apparently, people are still talking about the Barbie movie and what it means for the culture.

That means we’re seeing higher than average criticisms of the dreaded alpha male.

Dun dun dunnnn.

All the criticisms I keep seeing are the same, although that’s probably more to do with Facebarf algorithms than anything. There’s usually a line like:

The alpha version of something is usually the buggiest and least fit for public consumption lol lol lol

Yeah, that’s funny. In fact, it’s hysterical – by which I mean it suffers from insanity caused by a quivering uterus, since all words only have one meaning.

I’m critical of communism, but it’s never occurred to me to make fun of its name. I’m too busy making fun of all the ways that it’s worse than capitalism at solving the problems created by capitalism. It’s a woeful political theory that’s terrible at the thing it’s optimised for, but still people seem to like communism.

Anyway, hardly relevant. You’ve seen this criticism of the alpha male before:

The entire theory is based off a mistake made by a flawed study of wolf populations. The author of the original studies even regretted it and went on to rally against people misusing his research. All the research was done on wolves in zoos, who socialise differently in the wild. Wild wolves form packs around family lines.

So much to unpack here.

Are you saying humans don’t live in zoos?

How often do you get together with your parents and siblings, then go out into the world to solve a problem together? Maybe a few times a year? Instead, you spend most of your time randomly clumped with strangers, as we would if we’re in exhibits?

The zoo model isn’t a good fit for how we live, but it’s damn closer than pretending we live in nomadic hunter-gatherer clans.

Either way, it doesn’t matter. When people talk about alpha males, they’re not referencing that research. Of course they’re not. The idea of wanting to be a king, an adonis, a champion, a leader – that all predates the wolf studies by thousands of years. That’s what people are talking about.

All the research contributed was the name, not the concept.

If you’re a man who desires to better himself, that’s great! Society should celebrate that. Feminists should be encouraging that more than anyone, since it fixes what they call the biggest problem.

“But alpha males aren’t better! They’re insecure and needy!”

Ah.

You’re talking about guys with loud cars, short sleeves, bulging muscles and wafer-thin confidence, right? The ones who always have to be the centre of attention, always in charge and always getting what they want whether they earned it or not?

Those are the guys who ask a girl out, get shot down and then call her an ugly lesbian, right?

Uh…

Question:

Why are you calling insecure losers alpha males?

I’m all across the personal development space and plenty of my male friends are lions. None of the guys I follow, know or admire are fragile posers. They have genuine strength – sometimes it’s quiet, sometimes it blazes, but it’s always there. That’s why I like them.

The term alpha male doesn’t resonate with me. That’s not how I’d ever describe myself. I’d never judge anyone who leans into that frame, though. Go for it, lion! If you want to buy the fast car and get huge at the gym, that’s awesome. If you want to embrace the more traditional, overt and obviously masculine ideal, then all the power to you.

And if not – if you’d rather embrace being kind, or stylish, or compassionate – well, there’s more than one way to be a great man.

Anyway, I’m not telling you anything new here. If you’re a man, you already get it.

But I’m letting you know where I stand.

I reject the belief that all men are bad, that the only good man is a feminine one and that self-improvement is toxic.

Forget all that. Anyone who tells you any of that is, at best, deeply confused and traumatised. They certainly don’t have any advice for you.

There sure is a lot of bad advice out there. “To be a REAL man, you have to cry, write sonnets and submit to everyone in your life”. “To be a REAL man, here – enjoy these steroids”.

Nah. As I said, there’s more than one way to be a great man, let alone a real one.

Besides, what good is advice? The internet is lousy with advice. Twenty years ago, the internet had more advice on this than you could read in a lifetime. There were even more books on it, too.

What you need is coaching.

Advice is information.

Coaching is action, results and progress.

Cut the glut of digital data and skip right to something you need:

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