I’ve been promoting Your Story Isn’t About You lately – my free guide to avoiding Failures of Sentience. An objection you might have is:

“Look, I take your point. Remembering that others think differently from ourselves is useful. Treating others as sovereign minds with their own valid perspectives is fundamental to respect and learning. But I don’t see how I can learn something like that from a book.”

It’s a fair point, hypothetical objector. No one ever learned anything from reading, so I won’t learn anything from your objection.

Haha, ain’t I funny.

Jokes aside though, because I want to address this. If I were claiming to teach you empathy and theory of mind from a 40-something page guide then, yeah, you’d be right – that’s too much to get from just reading. You already know these things though. I’m simply showing you how you can use what you already have.

Failures of Sentience are like limiters on a rental truck. If you want to go faster, you don’t need to build a new engine – you just need to take out the thing holding you back.

But I wonder where this objection comes from. Have you been let down by other self-improvement guides in the past, making you question all others? If so, I wonder how useful that strategy is. Doubting everything that can make you stronger, smarter and wiser sounds like a strange approach.

You don’t see how you can learn such a skill from a guide like this? How can you learn anything with an attitude like that?

Or maybe it’s deeper than that. Some folks fear change. Is that what this is?

It’s not like you can find this information out there – I went looking for it and couldn’t find anything quite like Your Story Isn’t About You. It’s a unique upgrade for your brain, just waiting for you to read, reread and apply it.

You can read it all in one sitting in however long it takes you to read 14,000 words. Or you could focus on a couple of chapters a day, spending a few moments daily for a few weeks. That’s all it would take for potentially a lifetime of clearer thinking and better decisions.

Besides, what’s the worst that can happen? Worst case, a month from now you’ll have probably forgotten about this guide. Best case? Everything seems so much easier, freer and more hopeful.

The only folks I don’t recommend this guide to are unwilling or unable to read, reread and apply the lessons. To everyone else, I say get your hands on it:

antipater.page/ysiay

Ahh, the modern era – home to many wonders of technology and culture. And what could be more wondrous than when a fair maiden receives a photo of a gentleman’s unconcealed pelvic area, right in her inbox.

… so to speak.

It’s a fascinating phenomenon. It leaves folks scratching their skulls, wondering what is wrong with these men. Why would they think that sending unasked for photos of their junk would work? Has it ever?

The common explanation is it’s a Failure of Sentience. These men, so the explanation goes, would love to receive an unsolicited pelvic portrait from a woman. So they mistakenly think that women would want the same, failing to put themselves in their shoes.

I’ve been banging on about Failures of Sentience a lot.

But, believe it or otherwise, that’s not what’s happening here. That explanation sounds reasonable but it’s generally not the case.

I’m going to depart from the theme of the week and say it isn’t about a failure to recognise that others think differently from you.

Here’s what’s really going on:

An awful chef figures that since a pinch of salt makes a meal delicious, then a bucket of salt must be even better.

Likewise, plenty of men know that a bit of boldness is attractive, so they go the whole hog.

… again, so to speak.

They don’t think women sit around hoping for unsolicited pelvic portraits. They do think it’ll shock and impress the women into sinful thoughts of desire, though.

Having said that, this specific behaviour might not be caused by Failures of Sentience, but I bet cash to croissants that they suffer from it elsewhere.

It takes a lot of character and wisdom to avoid Failures of Sentience – more than it takes to avoid sending junk snaps to strangers.

Seeing dumb manure is like cutting into a lasange. Below the surface, you know there are more layers bubbling away.

That’s why I recommend Your Story Isn’t About You as a general remedy to bad decisions. It gets at the root cause of a lot of them.

And you can’t fault the price.

So be sure to read, reread and apply it:

antipater.page/ysiay

Imagine a console with 29 lights on it.

Every time a bulb lights up, you’ve lost something.

BZZZT! You just soured a business deal.

BZZZT! What could have been a moment of peace and tranquillity turned into one of quiet seething.

BZZZT! You made your partner’s day harder for no reason.

This console sounds like a nightmare, maybe even a curse.

What would you with a console like this? Toss a sheet over it so you never have to see the lights going off?

Or would you study it to learn what you can do about reducing the flashes?

Enter Your Story Isn’t About You. At well over 14,000 words, it covers 29 symptoms of Failures of Sentience – moments where, in your weakness, you put yourself at the centre of the universe.

Each symptom costs you. It might be something big or small, obvious or subtle, but it will cost you something.

Luckily for you, Your Story Isn’t About You won’t cost you anything. It’s my gift to anyone who subscribes to my email address.

From there, all you need to do is read, reread and apply it.

antipater.page/ysiay

Our brains are enormous and that’s a problem.

It makes childbirth difficult.

It’s costly. Brains need calories all the time, even when idle or asleep. A relaxed muscle doesn’t need as much energy as a tensing muscle, but a relaxed brain still needs a lot to maintain it.

We’re vulnerable for years longer than other animals.

Then, as an adult, a brain can defeat itself by learning something stupid or harmful.

With all these costs, the benefits must be huge. It’s not because of tool usage – plenty of animals with leaner brains use tools. It isn’t about hunting as a pack – wolves manage that just fine.

One theory?

We needed to get so smart so we could outsmart each other.

It explains why our intelligence rose so rapidly – we needed to be smarter than the guy who’s smarter than your grandpa, who in turn was smarter than…

So why would evolution tolerate our Failures of Sentience? Isn’t that like spending a fortune on a Ferrari and never cutting loose on the highway with it?

I don’t know. Psychology is murky enough without speculating on evolutionary causes.

It might be that we’re lazy and civilised. Maybe nature tolerates our mental shortcomings now just as it tolerates physical ones. I couldn’t be a hunter-gatherer with a dad bod like mine, but I don’t have to be.

Maybe if we were still living off what we harvested from the wilds together, we’d be better at putting ourselves in each other’s hunting socks.

Or maybe it’s from how much of our brain isn’t dedicated to simulating other people. Sentience is a recent add-on, slapped onto a brain that’s capable of deciding that it can ease its hunger by climbing that hill and getting some berries.

I don’t know. I doubt any one answer is the full story.

It doesn’t matter anyway.

What matters is Failures of Sentience can throttle your relationships, health, wealth and happiness. It hinders any part of your live that involves other people.

That’s pretty much all of it.

So, if I were you, I’d read, reread and apply Your Story Isn’t About You. You have nothing to lose except something you really want to lose:

antipater.page/ysiay

All this talk of Failures of Sentience, and relearning to see things as others see them – one question might come to you:

“Why bother with reading, rereading and applying Your Story Isn’t About You? If I want to learn what others think, I’ll just talk to them!”

Ah, I see…

Some questions of my own:

Are we more divided and outraged at each other than we were, say, 30 years ago?

Is it easier to communicate with strangers now than it was, say, 30 years ago?

Interesting, no? It’s almost as if being able to talk to each other isn’t enough. Based on how people “talk to each other” online, the issue isn’t talking – it’s listening and genuinely considering what they say.

“I don’t need to learn about Failures of Sentience to understand other people. I can just talk to them!” – that’s the same reasoning as “I don’t need a rocket. I can just go to space!”

If you can go to space without a rocket, great.

For most of us, that’s how we do that.

And overcoming your Failures of Sentience is how you talk with (not talk at or talk over – talk with) other people.

If you’re not already an email subscriber of mine, you can grab Your Story Isn’t About You here:

antipater.page/ysiay

Have you ever suspected that all your problems have a common source?

Like, there’s some bug in your brain – a wrinkle in your thinking so deep that it throws your life off course on the regular?

It’s not so strange. You can imagine someone with a fear of rejection and being at the mercy of it. Relationships, their business, even their health can suffer from it.

I know I’ve rooted out a couple of deep-rooted issues in the last year. These problems were so deep I didn’t even know I had them – just that I kept making the same mistakes and not getting the results I knew I could.

Is that what Failures of Sentience are for you?

I don’t know. We haven’t met. For all I know, you’re a sublime specimen of humanity who long-since transcended your flaws.

But it sure is possible that many of your bigger challenges stem from this.

Relationships are fundamental to happiness and success. Failures of Sentience undermine relationships. Therefore, learning to see things from the perspective of others – first and always – could be revolutionary for you.

You’re confused by others? I see this one a lot. They follow a chain of logic that seems reasonable but hinges on wild assumptions. A classic:

“That political candidate is incompetent… but they have a lot of support from voters… so are people stupid or something?? Do they like their incompetence or do they just not care?”

No wonder you’re confused if that’s your logic. No, folks don’t admire the incompetence of politicians. They certainly care. The wrinkle is that you’ve boiled down a complex situation to one variable, slapped a value on it, then assumed everyone else sees the same thing as you.

Ever felt lonely in a crowd? Ever felt lonely while talking to someone? I think most of us have felt that at some point.

If you’re struggling to engage with the person in front of you, maybe the problem is them. It’s possible.

But if it happens enough
for you
to feel lonely about it?

Well, guess what the common factor there is, mate?

And maybe you can’t engage with them because you’re so wrapped up in your own thoughts. If you can’t get out of your head for a moment, of course you’re lonely – even with someone around, you’re only thinking as you and about you.

As for frustration…?

Have you ever started a thought (or tirade) with:

“Why won’t people just…?”

That’s a great question.

Why won’t they?

Why won’t they buy your product, date you or come to your birthday party?

Oh, that was a rhetorical question?

It shouldn’t be. You can answer it if you learn to see through the eyes of other people. That’s the easiest thing once you avoid your Failures of Sentience.

Yeah…

There’s a lot you can get from smoothing this wrinkle.

Want to know how?

How about knowing 29 ways how?

That’s where reading, rereading and applying Your Story Isn’t About You can help:

antipater.page/ysiay

I’m flinging a funny little accusation around here – against myself as well as others.

Yes, I’m accusing you of forgetting the obvious – that other folks exist as separate entities with minds of their own. I’m saying you have Failures of Sentience. It’s sounds strange until you know what to look for.

One of my favourite metaphors is around belief. You can say you believe in the train. You can talk for hours about all the logic, evidence and reasoning that confirms the train. Your Twitter account might be nothing but memes talking about how real the train is. You can threaten to cancel anyone who says the train isn’t real. But if you’re laying on the tracks, then you don’t believe in the train. You just think you do.

Likewise, if you say you know that other people have minds of their own
but act like
everyone else
is an NPC is your story,
then you don’t believe it. Not always. You have moments where you get stuck in your own head, unable to see through the eyes of others.

And those moments cost you.

In dating? Failing to see things as others do is deeply unattractive. It shows a lack of maturity. Besides, who wants to date someone who’ll constantly misinterpret their words and actions.

In sales? A classic sales mistake is to use “techniques” that treat people the same, instead of as individuals you have the chance to serve. The other classic is to sell how you like being sold to, rather than how your customers want.

In your career? If you’ve ever worked in an office, you’ve probably encountered the Bad Employee. You know, one who’s lazy and incompetent, who complains the loudest, blames everyone else for their problems, lies on their timesheets, CVs and expense forms, goes to HR to cause an eye-watering stink over perceived insults…Those folks corrode organisations from the inside out fast.

And if you read the 29 symptoms of Failures of Sentience, you’ll recognise a lot of them in the Bad Employee.

And if you recognise these in your boss…?

Wise employers look for mature employees. They can teach you skills easier than they can teach you the right attitude.

And a good start on getting the right attitude is reading, rereading and applying Your Story Isn’t About You – available to everyone on my email list:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

Your Story Isn’t About You wards against Failures of Sentience. It teaches you how to identify them in your thinking and what do to instead.

It’s my foundational text – a prerequisite for my other products.

Failures of Sentience are so bad, I don’t want you buying from me until you know how to deal with them.

But what are they, exactly?

Summarised, condensed and distilled:

A Failure of Sentience is forgetting that other people exist.

“Oh, come on, William. I’ve never forgotten that other people exist. I’ve never met anyone who has!”

Wrong on both counts.

See, intellectually, you say that other folks exist separate from you, with minds, personalities and desires distinct from yours. Just saying that means nothing. Writing I think, therefore I am on a Post-It note doesn’t make it self-aware.

You forget this obvious truth often, without even realising it.

Potential symptoms of Failures of Sentience are endless. If any of these are true for you, then you’ve got a case of solipsism and you got it bad:

• Someone explained their problem for a moment and you immediately knew what they should do
• You’re rarely wrong in arguments – if ever
• When someone says something, you know what they secretly meant by it
• When you get angry at someone, you always think it’s because of what they did
• You think you could fix society with a few simple changes
• You think that other people secretly agree with you – they just say they don’t because they’re traumatised, brainwashed, hateful or just stupid
• You think other people are selfish because they don’t think of you enough
• When you yell at your printer for being an infernal machine of suffering, it’s because you slept badly, haven’t eaten and are under a lot of pressure. When others do the same thing, it’s because they’re angry people.
• You have thought – or even said – “this person is refusing to consider my point of view. If they did, just for a moment, they’d know I’m right”

You don’t do any of these things – not a one – if you remember other people exist.

And Failures of Sentience are a bigger deal than you might think. That’s why I encourage everyone to read, reread and apply what I talk about here:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

I don’t think women understand how often guys get called creeps.

It varies from place to place, community to community.

It obviously depends a lot on the guy.

But no man is immune to this. If you think you are, then women are doing a good job of saying it behind your back. It’s been a while – a long while – since I heard anyone say it about me, but I doubt it’s been long since someone said that.

Being wholesome and respectful means getting called a creep less often, not never. It’s part of life.

So if someone calls you a creep – or similar, there are plenty of colourful synonyms – what do you do?

Well, that depends on what you were doing. If you were loitering in the bushes or leering at someone, then that’s on you. Knock it off!

But men get called creeps for just about anything. Smiling at a stranger, holding the door, staring off into space, getting off an airplane before the woman across the aisle from you…

I had a friend get called a creep just for standing there. He’s the sweetest, most harmless guy, so it was both untrue and especially hurtful to him. What chance does he have if merely existing is intolerable to women?

And I’ll never forget the time a woman slapped me because I said one of her jokes was funny.

Here’s what’s happening:

The classic Failure of Sentience is “I think/feel X is true, therefore X is true”. Some people see your normal behaviour, randomly feel squicky about it and conclude that the problem must be with you.

This is common on the neurosis inferno of dating TikTok. A woman is on a date and everything is going well. Then something about the way he sits down gives her the icks and so she walks out on him.

Then tells everyone about it, like it’s not an insane idea.

Listening to your gut is a good idea. Is this your gut talking, though?

If folks see you as ick or creepy or whatever just for breathing, that’s them projecting their own insanity.

If you’re on the receiving end?

Say to yourself, There but for the grace of God go I…

Mind you, that’s only true if you’re not indulging in your own Failures of Sentience on the regular.

If you are, you have bigger problems than folks calling you creepy. Much, much bigger. This pattern of thinking is common, insidious and wildly destructive.

Unless you actively guard against it, you do it more than you realise. And it’s the cause of more of your misery than you’d belief until you exorcise it from your mind.

The first step is to identify the problems.

From there…?

Well, it all begins by reading, rereading and applying the lessons from Your Story Isn’t About You:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay