Scan your thoughts for petty neediness.

I’m lonely and I don’t want to be – that’s not petty. It’s not even needy. That’s a fine thought, especially if it motivates you to get out there and meet people.

Why don’t my friends and family support me? Don’t they know how much I’m struggling? – if that’s more the flavour of your thinking, then I have some good news.

Here’s how you can get them to better support you.

Are you ready?

Be better at supporting them.

If you’re being too self-centred, then your problems are colossal while their lives are a breeze. You overlook the battles they fight every day, too wrapped up in your own thinking.

And, hey, I bet you haven’t communicated your needs to them. Oh, sure, you dropped hints and made it obvious, but did you actually ask for help instead of playing games?

If you’re too busy moaning to yourself about how selfish everyone else is, I bet you haven’t.

Face it – the problem’s on your end. You’re struggling, you need help but it’s obviously not that bad. Someone drowning doesn’t throw passive aggressive comments to the lifeguard – they scream for a floatation device.

So you’re not drowning.

Rejoice!

But don’t celebrate too long. After all, everyone around you might be drowning silently. How would you know, if you’re too selfish to listen to them?

There’s only one real remedy here:

Get in the habit of seeing things from their perspective.

You’ll realise just how badly everyone is struggling, all the time. Then you’ll be able to help them. Only then will they be in a position to help you in turn.

Now, hey, I might be wrong. Maybe this doesn’t apply to you because you’re special.

But it’s not always easy to spot your own Failures of Sentience. That’s why Your Story Isn’t About You explores so many ways they can pop up.

Unless you actively protect yourself against these failures, they likely show up all through your life.

And they never – not once – help you. They always make things worse for you and yours.

That’s why I insist that you read, reread and apply Your Story Isn’t About You. It’s a foundational text – the basis of everything else I teach and most things worth knowing.

It’s a powerful shortcut to wisdom, if you let it be.

Read it here:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

Or is it the other way round…?

You might wonder why I care so much. Of all the ways humans can be stupid and insane, are Failures of Sentience really so bad? It just means being a little self-centred sometimes.

Uh huh. Sure.

I guess it’s no big deal if democracy itself is at stake.

Democracy thrives when we can pull together, discuss our issues and let wise discourse prevail. But what do we have? Division, hatred and utter contempt as we haven’t seen in a generation.

“The other side’s supporters LIKE it when people suffer! They’re evil! They’re stupid!” That should be a radical and ridiculed claim – a sign that the speaker is a drooling child. It’s obviously wrong. No country is 50% psychopaths – certainly no democracy is.

People of all political leanings run into burning buildings to save puppies. Your simplistic theory can’t explain that.

As for the they’re just stupid remark, if only it were that simple. No political leaning has a monopoly on genius.

Look, I’ll say it again:

The other side has smart, compassionate and well-informed folks among its ranks. My traditional ideological enemies are communists and creationists, but I’ll freely admit that about both of them.

There are smart, compassionate and well-informed communists.

And there are smart, compassionate and well-informed creationists.

I know because I can tell you what they believe. Sure, I dislike these philosophies – I even think they’re insane – but I still respect them.

Can you do the same? Can the typical US Democrat even imagine a smart, compassionate and well-informed Republican, let alone explain their beliefs? Ha! I like to think here in Australia we’re better, but I think we’re not wiser, just less passionate about politics.

But even here, we sew bitter seeds.

How many folks who’re enjoying the benefits of a democracy call for the banning of a major political party?

In Europe, it’s not just citizens – plenty of politicians want to ban “far right” or “alt-right” parties – legitimate and legal parties that attract significant votes. They do this to save democracy, so they say.

No. That’s not how it works. Even if these parties were literal Nazis, you can’t ban them.

Don’t mistake me here. If Nazis – literal Nazis, not just folks who are slightly right of centre – gained a foothold in Australian politics, I’d fight them with everything I had. But I wouldn’t ban them. You don’t treat a disease by killing the patient.

Aussies are smart enough to keep from electing Nazis.

And if I’m wrong?

Then it’d be less damaging to go along with the will of the people than to thwart it. Democracy is the rule by the masses, which means the masses have to be free to make mistakes.

Even drastic ones.

Otherwise, they don’t have real responsibility, which means no real power, either.

You have to be able to live with other people. Yes, even when you think they’re being stupid and hateful. Yes, even when they’re actually being stupid and hateful.

Even if you were a dictator with an army at your command, you’d still have to live with some folks you don’t like.

In a free society, that’s what it costs:

You being able to be an adult.

If that’s something you struggle with – if you’d rather throw tantrums than discuss the issues with those who disagree with you – then you need Your Story Isn’t About You. That’ll fix the gaping hole in your soul when you read, reread and apply it.

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

You can’t diagnose Failures of Sentience in other people.

It’s not possible. Since you can’t appreciate someone else’s experience, to try would be a Failure of Sentience in and of itself.

Oh, sweet irony…

But if someone were to ask me for a quick and easy sign they could look for in themselves…?

Exaggeration, especially on an emotionally charged topic, is a sign that your unique human intelligence has broken down for a moment.

Consider all the folks who get disrespected during a mediocre date and then say that person is literally worse than Hitler.

Or anyone saying modern generations are the most entitled and spoiled in human history.

Or that Jan 6 was worse than 9/11.

(Those first two were funny. That last one, though, is disturbing.)

Anyway, it’s a good sign that you’ve lost all perspective for a moment. Dig into that – there’s probably weakness and trauma right under the surface there.

I say probably, because anything could happen when you poke that sore spot.

But it’s worth poking. Precision is a virtue. Do you really want to be so dramatic, reacting to the bruising of your ego as though it were the death of a person? Wouldn’t you rather think, reason and respond appropriately?

Not everyone would. Some folks like the drama.

Hey, I get it. But I wonder if they know how much that craving for the dramatic is undermining their happiness and ability to function in the world.

They’ll never know. Your Story Isn’t About You isn’t snarky enough to hold their attention.

See just how snarky it is – and how to spot other blind spots in your mind – right here:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

A side effect of – and an exercise in – Your Story Isn’t About You is to release your judgement of strangers.

You can quickly realise just how much smarter and more thoughtful most folks are. Yeah, even the ones you disagree with. Especially them, since you have such low opinions of them already.

What people do – it makes sense to them.

“Hey… aren’t you judging people for being judgemental? And didn’t you just send an email blasting ‘the commies’ a few hours ago?”

Why, yes, I did.

Of course I criticise commies. They want to create a system with less wealth, less freedom and less equality. They hate capitalism – fine, it has its flaws, but their system is worse by every measure.

So that’s self-defence.

But, sure, I judge folks for being judgemental too.

Doesn’t that make me a hypocrite?

Yes. Obviously. But keep listening, because nowhere did I say that no one should ever be judgemental ever. If someone is being stupid and dangerous, I’ll shame them for that.

The lesson from Your Story Isn’t About You isn’t to never judge anyone for anything. It’s that judgement always comes with a price, and you’d be a lot happier and more successful if you stopped paying it.

Judge less. Not never – less.

That’s the lesson.

If you refuse to learn from hypocrites, I understand. Good luck getting far while refusing to learn from anyone though. I hope those pointless principles keep you warm as you push everyone else away.

Ah, dangit, I’m judging again.

Oh well.

Here’s how you can get your free copy of Your Story Isn’t About You:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

The commies sure do shriek about a lot, huh?

And one of the frequent ear-bleeders they belt out through megaphones and keyboards is:

“Check your privilege!!!”

They say this as though they have no privilege themselves.

And they act as though men are all princes born into wealth and superpowers, whose complaints don’t get worse than the occasional stubbed toe.

They’re wrong about all that. No surprises there – being commies, they’re wrong about a lot. Hey, I’m sympathetic to the goals of socialists. I just wonder when they’ll learn the evidence overwhelmingly points away from communism as the best way to achieve them.

But I’m not one to denounce any group as being entirely useless.

Let’s take their advice (demands?) and check in with our privileges.

Maybe the commies would like to join us? After all, hair dye and vegan diets are luxuries few folks through history have been able to enjoy.

Checking…

Checking…

Yep, I have privilege. A lot of it. I’m better off than a black slave girl from colonial America by so many different metrics.

I don’t say that flippantly. I’m grateful for the wealth and freedom I can enjoy.

Part of that is because I can empathise with the plight of others. Not fully understand them – no one can fully understand another’s struggle – but I get how that would suck.

It’s easy to empathise when you read, reread and apply Your Story Isn’t About You.

It has a way of taking the blinders off and really getting in someone else’s perspective.

Commies don’t think that I, being a Western man who likes capitalism, can do that. But they think replacing small businesses with big government is an improvement, so what do they know?

If you’d like to join me on my journey of feelings and understanding, here’s your link:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

An uncomfortable but inspiring exercise:

Imagine being a ghost at your own funeral.

How awful would that be? Seeing all your loved ones, hearts breaking and grieving as they send your remains off to eternity.

Being able to see and hear them, but not touch them, not even deliver a final word of comfort…

The value of this exercise is, if you do it right, you’d give anything for just one more day. Anything.

Then you can return to the present moment, where you still have time.

Struggle with gratitude? That will sort you out real quick. If you can’t imagine being grateful for every breath, then you will be after this funeral meditation.

Another benefit of this morbid exercise in stoicism?

Seeing that the world will go on without you.

Your story will continue without you.

Now, without you around, your story will be different. And how happy it is and how long it goes for depend on your legacy.

If you moved people, then your story will continue through them – and through the folks they inspire in turn.

It doesn’t end with your death.

Thank God for that. It keeps it from being a short story.

And this frame of mind will help you complete the exercises in Your Story Isn’t About You – my practical guide to combating Failures of Sentience.

Failures of Sentience are moments of anti-stoicism, where your weakness, selfishness and cruelty bubble through to hurt you and those around you.

They’re really no good.

And every time you do one, your legacy wilts and your story grows a little shorter, darker and sadder.

But overcoming them is easier than you might think. In fact, a lot of it comes down to what you don’t do.

Focusing on a few of these for a few weeks will make you feel better and be better.

Master all of them and you’ll be exceptionally sane, stable and spiffy.

Download your free copy when you sign up here:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

I remember in my teen years seeing a tennis racquet advertising itself as being 23% more comfortable.

Oh, how I laughed and laughed…

That’s such a specific number – too specific for such a subjective experience. Also, it’s more compared to what?

I assume it meant something like 23% more padding or whatever, but that’s not what it said.

So be sceptical of my claim that you can be 44% more stoic.

I mean, I did measure it. It’s not like I made up that percentage. But still…

Here’s how I calculated 44%:

I was reading an article on stoicism – the philosophy of chads and emperors. It included nine principles of stoicism – nine concepts that, if you mastered, would greatly enrich your life.

And the lives of those around you.

Of those nine, Your Story Isn’t About You emphatically trains you in four of these principles.

Like how to release a lot of your fear and anger.

And why you shouldn’t blame anyone else for your lot in life.

The importance of relationships.

Cooperation as a high ideal.

Do the maths – those four out of the nine principles make up 44% of the lot. You can’t improve on any of those while stuck in your own perspective, failing to see the world as others do. It’s easy to isolate yourself and play the victim as you forget that you can, in fact, remember to imagine yourself as someone else.

I didn’t write Your Story Isn’t About You as a stoic text but… well, it’s right there in the title. That’s a damn stoic take on life, isn’t it?

Maybe that’s why it’s so transformative. Reading, rereading and applying it trains you to spot your own Failures of Sentience – which are also some of your failures of stoicism.

The other 56% of stoicism is up to you.

Actually… wouldn’t 100% of stoicism be “up to you…”?

Oh well. Learn more about the 44% I can help you with here:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

You might not know it, but you have a process you go through when you make a purchase.

For example, you might need to see the product, talk to someone (a salesperson, your partner, yourself) about it, then feel it with your hands.

In that order.

People have different processes, but they’re often something similar to that.

“Not me!” you might say. “Why would I need to touch it? I make all my buying decisions based on logic!”

Yeah and so does everyone.

But there have been times when you didn’t make a purchase, even when it made sense for you to buy it. Something just felt off about it.

Or that time you looked at dozen interchangeable options for something unimportant, then picked whatever. How did you choose that particular whatever? At random? Unlikely. Based on a gut feeling or the design of the box? Yeah, exactly.

Logic is a key factor in a purchase. No vegan is going to buy a steak, no matter what else is going on.

But logic alone isn’t enough. You also have to get a feel for it, sound it out and see how it looks.

It’s worth learning your purchasing strategy.

Especially if you’re in sales – because then you won’t mistake your strategy for everyone else’s.

You might have a process like I described above. The potential customer in front of you might need to talk it through in their mind, touch the product and then visualise it fitting in with their stuff at home.

Those are different strategies. If you try to sell to them the way you like to be sold to, you’ll fumble.

Even if it “makes sense” for them to buy.

It pays to be able to see the salient issue in sales (the sale-ient issue?). What drives your customer? How do they see the world?

You won’t see those answers through the fog of your own delusions.

How you think isn’t how everyone else thinks. You know that to be true, intellectually, but it’s easy to forget that in the moment. It’s easy to fall into bad habits of thought and project like crazy.

Until, that is, you read, reread and apply Your Story Isn’t About You.

That doesn’t solve the problem, but it makes it a lot harder to delude yourself. You’ll recognise quite a few ways you fail to see people as they are, instead of as you are.

This lack of self-awareness is rampant in society and especially on social media.

That’s why I give Your Story Isn’t About You at no charge.

Here’s more info about it:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay

Why don’t we let children vote in elections?

Because they’re not smart, mature or experienced enough for the responsibility.

Fair enough. There’s no real mystery there.

But…

… if it’s not discrimination for its own sake…

… if it’s because of the way children think…

why do we let adults who think like children vote?

Seriously. Plenty of adults resent anyone more successful than they are – being petulant and mainlining copium by saying how they must have cheated their way into success.

Other adults take every criticism and rejection personally. They walk around ready to be petty and throw tantrums at the slightest “insult” – even if it was good feedback. You know – professional, true and exactly what they needed to hear.

Then there are those who don’t seem to have mastered theory of mind yet. They project like wild, spending every moment deep in the assumption that everyone thinks like them.

Honestly?

Plenty of pre-teens are smarter and wiser than folks like this.

That’s why I wrote Your Story Isn’t About You. I used to make those mistakes – and plenty more besides. If I’d had a guide like this when I was younger, I would have skipped a lot of misery and pain.

All of that pain being my own creations, of course.

I was petty, jealous, confused, weak and unhappy.

Figuring out how I was thinking like a child was a big part in me turning that around.

Because we all have moments where we revert – where gravity takes over and pulls us down into naiveté and stupidity.

Children are too petty, emotional and judgemental to have a grasp on the issues.

But are you really any better than they are?

Are you actively deceiving yourself, every day? If you think you aren’t… how can you be sure?

These childish patterns of thought can linger, sabotaging you in strange ways.

The best way to bring them to the surface is by reading, rereading and applying Your Story Isn’t About You. Once you do that with a few dozen symptoms of such solipsistic thinking, you won’t be able to overlook it in yourself.

And you can get your copy using the link in the footer of every email I send.

Do you need to subscribe to my list? If so, you can do that here:

https://christianhypnotism.com/ysiay